This will be the year of dissapointments.
This is the year my parents will realize I'm not as brilliant as they believe. The year I'll fail at new responsibilities, new goals. The year my hate for my body will win. I feel it.
I was struggling as it was, but now its a new year. A time for moving forward, not falling.
I dont want to dissapoint anyone.
not my parents. not my friends.
not sara. not laura or kim.
and espescially not myself.
I want to live in a fairytale.
I dont want to be in the kind of place, where the guy doesnt know the girl exists or friends dont tell the truth, where people skrew themselves over on a regular basis, or where fourteen year old volleyball players love pot, and celebrate their second week clean with pizza and beer.
How can people hate so much?
It must start inside, and spread.
How can I fault myself this way?
Who am I to judge?
What standards am i up agasint?
Do I feel this way because i love too hard or am incapable of true love?
Why is it so easy to feel alone, and why does it hurt so much?

Am I, are we, condemned to eternal longing for perfection?
But its not really perfection,
everyone just wants to be the best, to win,
but there can only be one winner, and its no one you know.