I am fifteen

I am fifteen.
In the middle
Always in the middle
Between ten and twenty
Between baby blankets and bras
Between my best friend and my boyfriend
Between wanting to do everything and nothing at all.
I am fifteen.
That sentence is simple,
The reality is not.
My friends, my family, my classes,
My thoughts, my feelings, my life.
14 year old volleyball players who love pot, celebrate their second week clean
with pizza and beer.
“she got totally wasted”
wasted
like wasted potential
a fatal serve wasted by a fatal serving
she might as well not exist
it would ease the divorce of
her father who’s banging his secretary and
her mother, an anti- depressant junkie,
staying together to keep from
hurting her.
But squeezing her heart so hard
That in the process it burst.

I am fifteen.
Always stuck in the middle
In a balance
That easily tips.
Stuck
Between growing up and bursting.